(from the box cover)
Join our merry band of femme fatales as they sacrifice their dignity to save the galaxy from unsavory space pirates. Meet Sophia, Diane, Jill, Marina, Lily and their ever-faithful robot companion Harold, as they battle the bad guys, rescue stolen treasure, and kick some alien butt. These most unlikely, but sensuous heroines are ... the Battle Can-Can!
(from the author)
There was a time, just as I had watched the first volume of Violence Jack for the first -- and last -- time, that I thought "Jesus Christ, it just isn't possible to make anything worse than this." Then I saw this one, and I was sorta right, but only barely. (I had several other thoughts about this one, but none that I care -- or would be allowed -- to repeat here.)
And while Violence Jack -- still being my least favorite anime ever -- just seemed to focus on the most depraved and disgusting sins of humankind (or rather, how Mr. Nagai thought said sins were), Battle Can-Can is far more inventive in their horrible, horrible disgustingness, thus coming pretty close to toppling VJ off the bottom hellpit of "anime that have nearly made me go into a fetal position, crying uncontrollably."
And what a winner of a plot we have. Five women who, according to the cover description, "sacrificed their dignities to save the galaxy from space pirates." Those girls sacrificed their dignity the moment they agreed to take the lead roles in this piece of.... *restrains himself* ... dung.
Now, unlike ... say, Ogenki Clinic, who relies on weirdness to amuse you, this one relies on unbelieveable strangeness to gross you the hell out. I just can't imagine how this came about on the planning boards. Doesn't stop me from trying, though. *evil grin*
Writer 1: "Okay, we have the opening scene with the breast groping and stupid action scenes introducing the main characters, so it's time to get the main plot moving. And what better way to do that than having the alien pirates being monsters."
Well, it didn't take long for the writers "creative talent" to shine through in the first scene, involving an .... item of choice. Who's choice? I'd rather not think about that.
Writer 1: "Hey, I got it. Let's have one of the girls being introduced to a dynamite dildo. And... and she can't stop herself from using it, even though she knows it'll explode when she has an orgasm."
...and also just the beginning. I won't blame you for just wanting to cut your losses and get the hell out of here right now. Worse things are still to come.
Writer 1: "Okay, the next woman. Let's see.... Yeah, she'll meet a space pirate that seduces her and then changes into a monster with a tentacle penis. And he has his way with her until she dies of pleasure."
You might be thinking that things can't get any worse by now. So did I. And boy, was I proven wrong.
Writer 1: "Okay, we have a dynamite dildo and a tentacle penis pirate. Now to top THAT..... I know. Let's introduce a pirate who has a head that looks like a penis. And he's gonna rape the youngest looking one of the ... let's call them 'femme fatales.' Huh huh."
And since even that wasn't enough for the scriptwriters from hell, the following murder scene performed by our penis-headed pirate -- which I won't describe so as to spare the readers -- made me run as fast as I could to the bathroom to find out what the contents of my stomach looked like when regurgitated. (Not voluntarily, mind you.)
I'm not entirely sure what happens at the end. Nor did I care. Although in my half-apathetical state, I noticed that just about half of the crew survived, which, if anything, lowered the chance of a sequel. (And that, thankfully, held up too.) I didn't much care about their deaths either. Characters stupid enough to appear in this anime, heroes or not, deserve to die. I didn't shed a tear for any of the character in this movie. I didn't cheer at their success on their mission. I did, however, mourn the loss of another piece of my sanity and I woved to better maintain the rest from horrible, nasty and plain awful anime like this by starting to PAY ATTENTION TO REVIEWS. I've always thought that while writing reviews on good anime is a nice gesture, writing reviews warning you about insane crap like this ... ?
... that's a public service.
Consider yourselves warned.
Yep, one star. Although in MY dreams, this one has NO stars. — Stig Høgset
Recommended Audience: This title doesn't know the meaning of the phrase "audience appropriateness." Can YOU survive the torture? The humiliation? The bad breath? (Bad breath?)
Version(s) Viewed: VHS, Japanese with English subtitles
Review Status: Full (1/1)
Battle Can-Can © 1987 Nikkatsu Corporation
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