Cool Devices is a set of standalone episodes (some of which may connect) that have plots and storylines which serve as sad excuses for sex.
Just when you think that hentai could not get any more graphic than La Blue Girl, in comes Cool Devices.
The major purpose of hentai is to arouse, but Cool Devices is so disturbing and graphic that it fails at getting the normal fan aroused. The creators of Cool Devices rise to the occasion by having each episode stand tall as its own entity, covering a specific fetish. It's like they try too hard to get your pants off.
Some of the episodes aren't worth mentioning. But, for the heck of it, I'll give you the details of every episode I can remember just to really bang this message through your head: Cool Devices is that bad.
Episode one is nothing more than full-blown sex. There's no plot. It's the, "Hi! Let's have sex!" act. The girl says no, the guy does it away, and the girl starts to enjoy getting raped. "Yay! I'm getting raped by an unknown man and I love it!"
Episode two actually has some sort of backstory, but the whole incestuous lolita sex and voyeurism theme totally shuts that down. The boy can't stand being with the girl (as in sleeping in the same bed) because he gets all red and happy, but he doesn't want to hurt her. So, she leaves, but the boy wants to be as close to her as possible. So, what does he do? He stands erect and dry-humps the bedroom door for the rest of the night. Yup, great way to contain yourself. Why not just go out there and rape her now? I mean, she's bound to enjoy it like every other girl in this series, and you're going to do it ten minutes later in this episode anyway (and he does).
Episode three is not worth mentioning, but episode four is. Operation Kirei is the most disturbing twenty-five minutes of ... anything that I have ever seen. A tribe of Neanderthals lives on a deserted island, and finds two girls with breasts the size (and weight) of bowling balls. The Neanderthals proceed to drug the girls, then gang-rape them for about ten to fifteen minutes of the episodes, then murder them by tossing them through a ventilation shaft onto a pile of jagged rocks. Normally, I'd make some humorous crass sexual innuendo to make fun of this, but I can't. I went through what I can only call anti-arousal. I can't believe people call this entertainment. Words cannot describe my disgust.
Episode five is twenty-five minutes worth of bondage, rape, and toilet-training. I can see the production staff saying,
"What is this 'consent' that you speak of?"
Consent isn't even referred to. Nothing similar to that is even mentioned. Episode six continues the same trend that was started in episode five.
Episode seven is the infamous Yellow Star sequence, which was created by Umetsu Yasuomi, who went on to direct two rather good anime OAVs in Kite and Mezzo Forte. But this is his WORST creation. Basically this guy sells a powerful drug called Yellow Star, which makes women enjoy being raped by random guys. Basically some girl, whose name I forget, has a guardian who deals illegal drugs, including the aforementioned Yellow Star. He uses the girl as a test subject to not only prove that the drug works, but to keep her away from her "love interest". What I don't understand is that the girl takes the drugs of her own free will, knowing what will happen. After the drug is swallowed, a few skanky guys brutally rape her. Lesson: drugs are bad, mmmmkaayyy?
Episode eight and episode nine are the only episodes to actually contain some semblance of a plot. Mizutani Maya (one of the few names I remembered throughout the eleven episodes) talks to some weirdo sorcerer who sends her into another dimension. She meets these beasts that claim that they can send her back to her own world. Well, they don't. Instead they auction off her naked body for sixteen million yen (how humorous, alternate universes use the same currency as Japan) to a cybernetic rapist who holds her hostage by hooking her up to a rape machine. She wields some special power that can be unleashed to destroy things, but it is controlled by forcing her to grow a wang, which is set to hypnotize her and keep her from doing anything (talking about thinking with your genitals). She stands up, whips out her sword and swings it around, slashing soldiers to pieces and escapes only to be caught again. Sex ensues, then some organization attempts to save her. No ending is shown. What starts out as a slightly decent episode is destroyed by none other than hormone-enraged tentacles.
Episode ten is another episode that has the potential to be good. A writer gets his bag stolen by some girl. He chases her down and finds a girl named Miyuki, who had been in the writer's dream having sex with him. The whole thing turns out to be a sham. Numerous fetishes appear. Torture, lolita rape, and the worst off ... urination. I won't even EXPLAIN that one. An earthquake occurs, the guy runs away with Miyuki as the house crumbles to nothing and everyone dies.
Episode eleven is very much like Perfect Blue ... but made by a guy who really, really needed a boner. So, some underage popular idol is gaining the attention of millions (apparently for her breasts, because her voice can only be equated to a screeching chalkboard). She gets blackmailed into a contract that has her getting raped again and again. Of course, urination appears again. The end.
Catch my drift yet? Cool Devices is the worst thing to ever be brought to America. Yes, even worse than Celine Dion. I cannot emphasize the pain that I have experienced from this piece of crap. All of you should be sending me thank you notes for me watching Cool Devices in its entirety so you don't have to. It sucks the big one ... often.
Oh yes, forgot to note one thing: This review contains spoilers.
Rating: One big yellow star. — Robert Nelson
Recommended Audience: No one. The following fetishes are in Cool Devices: Big breasts, tentacles, toilet training, urination, bondage, torture, rape, incest, lolita sex, and voyeurism. Also, in some episodes you can combine these into one sick fetish. For example, incestuous lolita rape. Wonderful isn't it?
Version(s) Viewed: R1 DVD (uncensored)
Review Status: Full (11/11)
Cool Devices © 1995 Green Bunny
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