The earth is about to face a new threat. Three capsules land on earth containing aliens, and the government (they never say WHICH country they're working for) sends scientists to an underground laboratory to study them. Two unassuming cereal salesmen, one of which is the son of the lab's director, stumble upon one of these capsules and try to liberate it from its underground prison. That's when they realize what a menace they have just released into the world: a demon whose only purpose is to mate with a human and thus overrun the planet with demons, which coincidentally also FEED off of humans. I must say ... they really racked their brains thinking THIS plot out.
Editor's Note: Spoiler Warning. (In case you actually wanted to see this thing, of course.)
This one's a winner as far as turkeys go, which suited me fine considering that I saw it on Thanksgiving and all. It's got bad animation, much in the same style as Crying Freeman, only I found CF a little more entertaining. (Note: a little more entertaining, meaning not by much!) It has a bad soundtrack - they seem to have a hard time connecting music to the mood they're trying to convey, or maybe I've got it all wrong and they were actually filming a parody when they made this? I mean, here is a lovely tentacled alien feeding off some poor redneck, and they put something similar to the BGM to Sesame Street??? (You know? That happy harmonica ditty?) And dueling violins for the incompetent heroes? While trying to infiltrate the lab? And it has bad and considerably warped morals - it's got everything that makes bad anime bad.
Voice acting? What voice acting? "Let's get our drinking buddies from the pool joint and invite them to dub this Japanimation-whatchamacallit." Keep in mind I saw the dubbed version!
At the introduction, we are treated to the first killing, of an apparently braindead redneck, who prefers to stand in terror as he watches his dog get killed by some huge demon, rather that take the chance to at least see if he can run for it ... nope ... he jez' waited for that thare deymun-thingy to finish eatin' his faithful dawg and then ... screamed "NO!" until he was consumed as well. Typical.
Enter what I like to call "two unassuming cereal vendors". "We sell cornyflakes to America's heartland" were their intro words, I kid you not. After a boring intro conversation where they talk about why one of them can't get a girl, they stop the car to see a laboratory. (Why?!?) The driver says "IT MUST BE A WRECK" in such a lame voice it would make Al Gore proud, then you see the car stop again (Wasn't it already stopped??? ugh!! Let's see some continuity here please!!) in front of some armed guerrilla-wannabe who promptly tells them to leave ... and right at that moment an explosion occurs and one of the cereal salesmen whose name is Osamu (I only know this because his name is one of two that gets repeated over and over and over again!) finds a capsule with a demon in it that looks like your average bishounen character ... and proceeds to wake it up with his souvenir bell that he got at the flea market ... he then kisses the demon through the glass (?!?) at which point I thought I was watching Kizuna instead of Kimera so I checked the box to make sure ... yup. This anime definitely was made to cater to yaoi fans. Then the other Cereal Dude appears in the next scene asking his dad why he experimented on humans (?!?!) sporting a pink towel, no less (this IS yaoi anime!! bad yaoi, but yaoi nonetheless!) and a cross between Vincent from Final Fantasy 7 and Tsukiro from Mai the Psychic Girl tries to fry both the gay dude in the capsule AND cereal dude #1 ... his fireball gets blocked by a Freddie Krueger wannabe (!?!?!) and he vanishes. *Dragon! Dragon! Got the dragon! Dragon Ball Z!* Cereal Dude #2 and #1 decide to infiltrate the lab to free the capsuled demon (which for some reason miraculously appears in another room in the lab) which Osamu has instantly fallen in love with. (!?!?!?) Dumb and Dumber didn't have it quite this good...these guys manage to trip over and screw up everything they can before getting to the gay demon, whose name they finally realize is ...
*dadadaDAAAAH* KIMERA!! (Biiiig deal.)
Giant flying kamikaze snakes come out of nowhere to try to kill Cereal Dude #1 and Kimera (they miss ... as expected) and then they show a scene with one of the scientists (we'll call him Blubbo ... he appears in almost every subsequent screen. I guess he was so easy to draw they decided to let him be the token "Hey, let's try and guess how long he's gonna live!" type character) who makes a deal with Freddie Krueger to help his demons kill all of humanity in exchange for sparing his own life ... blaaah. Then the grand finale involves Cereal Dude #1 finally finding out the purpose of Kimera's existence ... to breed. (!?!?!?!?) Ugh. Hideous! Freddie and Vincent end up killing each other because one wants to defend humans and the other wants kimera to breed so she (I dunno, it looks male to me!!!) can populate the world with demons. Cereal Dude #1 and Kimera end up shacking up together. End of story. There you have it.
Aren't you glad you don't have to watch this now?
This is great MST3K material, as every scene practically invites you to poke fun at it. Why is it that Kimera doesn't speak a word during the whole thing? She / he / it only breathes and French kisses ... nothing else. It's also annoying that every time they're about to show the capsule she's in, they have to focus on "its" crotch, and slowly move the camera upwards!
The most intelligent quote in this flick is from Cereal Dude #2: "It's my brain that's exhausted." I couldn't agree more.
I think Akio Saito (y'know, Cool Devices?) had SOME hand in making this ball of snot, it's that bad. Most bewildering quote of the movie: "Kimera's sole purpose is to reproduce ... but if no males are handy she can impregnate others" (Does this mean women?) Even hardcore yaoi fans wouldn't stand this one.
My advice? Stay away, for your own health!
Please don't subject yourself to this...a mind is a terrible thing to waste, and all. — Eric Gaede
Recommended Audience: None. Male nudity. Violence (the directors in this one have a disembodied hand fetish) and tons of human and animal bodies sucked dry of their inner liquids ... ick. If you want to eat lunch and watch anime at the same time, I strongly suggest you don't decide on this one - in fact I strongly suggest you just plain forget you saw this one on shelf at the video store! If only I had someone to tell me that ... *sob*
Version(s) Viewed: VHS, English dub
Review Status: Full (1/1)
Kimera © 1996 Kazuma Kodaka / Seiji Biblos / Toho / Animate Film
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